Cornerstone
by babylerms
Summary: based off the song cornerstone by arctic monkeys, emily's gone and naomi is trying in her own way to cope


**So I was listening to the song Cornerstone by Arctic Monkeys and bam the idea for this story was born. It's a really good song and you should check it out and read this story. Let me know what you think. I know some of the lyrics are probably metaphors but for the sake of writing it was easier and funner (yes I said funner so what if more fun is more correct) to make them situations. Leave reviews. They make me smile like this .**

"Effy, I don't want to go out tonight." Naomi slightly whined into the phone to her friend.

"You never want to go out anymore. It's been a year. Don't you think it's time to try?" Effy answered.

"I'm sorry. I didn't know there was a time limit on the grieving period for losing the love of your life." Naomi said harshly.

"There isn't. I just don't want you to be miserable forever."

"Without her in my life I can't be anything but miserable. You don't understand…" And as soon as that last sentence left her mouth Naomi realized her mistake. "Shit. Eff, I'm sorry. I'm such a twat. I didn't mean to…"

Effy cut her off. "It's okay. It was a while ago and you guys, my best mates, got me through it. I'm just trying to do the same for you."

"I can't yet." With that Effy let Naomi off the hook.

Naomi walked around her apartment, the one she used to share with Emily. There were still signs of the redhead everywhere, her textbooks on the table, her clothes thrown around their bedroom. Even though it had been a year Naomi couldn't bring herself to move the stuff or pack it up. Some stupid, irrational side of her was leaving it there for Emily. Maybe if she left everything the same then Emily wouldn't really be gone. She would come walking into the apartment with a smile on her face and takeout in her hand.

She took a quick shower and got dressed. She put on a black pair of skinny jeans and a sleeveless shirt that was cut so low it showed an impressive amount of cleavage. She did her makeup and walked out the front door. Even though she told Effy she wasn't going out she had to, not with her friends because they wouldn't approve of what she was doing. They would probably try to stop her. Naomi briefly thought maybe it would be better if they did. What exactly had she been doing for the past month? Torturing herself she answered her own question and yet she didn't stop.

Every night she would go to a different club, have a few drinks, and then find a redhead, a short redhead with brown eyes, who her now slightly fuzzy brain could almost fool herself into thinking that it was her redhead, her Emily. She was looking for the one who would let her pretend just for a night, just for a moment that she had her back, that her life wasn't pointless now.

_I thought I saw you in the battleship _

_But it was only a look a like _

_She was nothing but a vision trick _

_Under the warning light _

_She was close, close enough to be your ghost _

_But my chances turned to toast _

_When I asked her if I could call her your name _

Naomi walked the short distance to the Battleship and sat at the bar. She ordered her usual and surveyed the people around her. Her eyes landed on a girl, a short girl with bright red hair and pale skin. Naomi's heart sped up for a minute until she reminded herself this girl was just a vision trick, no need to be nervous. She stood under the exit sign illuminated by its glow. Naomi slowly made her way over to the girl. The girl was close enough to be Emily's ghost with her button nose and small, delicate features. 'Yes,' Naomi thought, 'I could fool myself with this one.'

"Hi." Naomi leaned down and whispered in the girl's ear.

"Hello." The girl answered and Naomi realized her voice was wrong. It wasn't husky like Emily's. It was high-pitched and slightly grating to her ears. Naomi figured it wouldn't be a problem though. She didn't plan on spending much time talking to the girl. "I'm Tiffany. Do you want to dance?" The girl said.

"I'll dance with you on one condition." Naomi used her best flirty voice and smirked at the girl. She could tell Tiffany was excited and thought something good was coming like maybe the condition was 'I'll dance with you if you come home with me.'

Instead Naomi said "I'll dance with you if you let me call you Emily."

Tiffany's face fell. She made a disgusted look and walked away.

_I thought I saw you in the rusty hook _

_Huddled up in wicker chair _

_I wandered up for a closer look _

_And kissed who ever was sitting there _

_She was close, and she held me very tightly _

_Till I asked awfully politely, please _

_Can I call you her name?_

Naomi ran from the club too ashamed to stay. What if Tiffany told others what she was doing? She would have no chance of finding a girl. Out on the street she hailed a taxi and sped off to her next destination. The Rusty Hook was a bar. It reminded Naomi of Keith's Pub. As soon as she walked in she saw a girl curled up in a wicker chair. She had her legs bent underneath her and she looked cozy. Naomi thought this girl might be a good look alike so she wandered over for a closer look. Again there was the resemblance to the girl she loved. The girl must've noticed someone now standing above her and looking at her so she looked up and smiled sweetly. Without any words exchanged between them Naomi leaned down and kissed the girl and when she closed her eyes and tried not to think about how their mouths didn't fit together perfectly like her and Emily's she could almost trick herself completely. Naomi sat down next to the girl and let herself be held in unfamiliar arms. She breathed in this girl's scent and told her brain to shut up when it screamed at her that this was not Emily. Naomi whispered in the girl's ear as politely as she could "Please, can I call you Emily?" The girl pulled back to look in Naomi's blue eyes. She must've seen how broken Naomi looked because she looked at her with such sorrow and smiled sadly. She stood up, kissed the top of Naomi's head, and walked away. Naomi felt she had to get of there before her tears started falling and she was sobbing so hard she wouldn't be able to stop herself. She decided she had had enough torture for one night. She found her cellphone in her purse and texted Cook.

'Come get me. At the Rusty Hook. Need a ride.' Naomi.

_And I elongated my lift home, _

_Yeah I let him go the long way round _

_I smelt your scent on the seatbelt _

_And kept my shortcuts to myself_

Cook pulled up in his taxi. He was working that night so Naomi knew he would be able to give her a ride instead of being completely fucked at some club. She climbed into the back and they settled into a comfortable silence. On nights like these when Naomi called Cook for a ride they almost never spoke. She was pretty sure he knew what she was doing but Naomi also knew that he understood. She thought back to when they were in college and Cook had brought a girl named Arsia to her place and had shagged her senseless. The girl was clearly an Effy look alike. It wasn't the only time he had done it either. Naomi had noticed on more than one occasion the girls he tried to get with looked like Effy. She thought perhaps that was how she came up with the idea of trying to find Emily look alikes.

Cook always took the long way to Naomi's place on nights like these. He knew she liked it. Naomi sat in the back and could swear she could smell Emily, her scent was on the seatbelt, it was all around her. Her and Emily rode in the back of Cook's cab a lot. When he would drive them all to the club and join them on his nights off, sometimes she and Emily would sneak out and make love in the back seat, nights when they couldn't keep their hands off each other or wait until they got home. Naomi missed those nights.

When she got to her apartment she thanked Cook and gave him some money. He was supposed to be working after all. She went to her bedroom, kicked off her boots, and peeled of her clothing. Now naked she climbed in and lay on her side of the bed. She looked over at the other empty side and ran her hand down the length of it. Naomi felt a pain in her chest. Everything inside of her hurt and she longed to have Emily back, to hold in her arms, to fill up all the emptiness inside her. She grabbed Emily's pillow and wrapped herself around it. She cried until finally sleep overtook her.

The next day came and passed in a blur. Naomi always felt like she was just going through the motions now. Nothing had any real point to it. She wasn't sure why she did the things she did. They simply didn't mean anything anymore. Emily was dead and although Naomi was living she could never be truly alive without Emily. When Emily had first passed Naomi had cursed the universe. She had gone to the lake where she and Emily first made love and where Emily's ashes had been scattered and screamed at the universe, asking it how it could be so cruel. How could it let her go on and keep living when the most vital part of her was gone? It was like asking a blind man to describe a picture, asking her to live without Emily, without her heart. It was impossible.

Only at night when the prospect of getting mental and possibly finding someone who resembled Emily was there did Naomi feel any kind of determination. Then she got herself ready, looking sexy as hell, and went out on her mission. Maybe a part of her knew that when she did find an Emily look alike she would regret tricking her mind into thinking it was her girl. How could she betray Emily like that? Shagging random girls, pretending they were Emily when in reality they couldn't even come close. But Naomi didn't care. She couldn't feel any worse than she did, empty and dead inside. Another part of her thought maybe Emily would understand how bad it hurt, would forgive her. She mostly agreed with that part. Emily always forgave her, always loved her.

That night Naomi ignored Effy's calls and texts. She didn't have the strength to talk to her and she feared she would explode and say even more things she didn't mean. She didn't want to hurt Effy. They had become really close since Emily's death. They both understood how it felt losing the love of your life but even still Naomi needed time alone, time to try and make herself forget the loss and the pain. She had a few shots at her apartment and smoked a spliff to help work up the courage to go before she left.

_I thought I saw you in the parrots beak _

_Messing with the smoke alarm _

_It was too loud for me to hear her speak _

_And she had a broken arm _

_It was close, so close that the walls were wet _

_And she wrote it out in letraset _

_No you can't call me her name_

Naomi walked to the Parrot's Beak. She could hear the music from a block away. When she walked inside it took a moment for her eyes to adjust. There were multicolored strobe lights dancing along with the people, bouncing off every surface. She was immediately approached by a girl, a tall girl, taller than her. She had short brown hair and to Naomi clearly screamed dyke. She wasn't bad looking but she didn't look like Emily at all however Naomi let herself be led to the dance floor. Sometimes dancing with a random wrong person got her free drinks. They danced and Naomi tried to maintain some distance between them. The taller girl silently moved behind Naomi and slid her long arms around her. Naomi could feel one big clumsy hand on her hip, the other pushed underneath her shirt and stroked her stomach. She knew this wasn't right. It didn't feel right. She turned around and pushed the girl off her and ran off the dance floor.

When she was on the edge of the dance floor slightly out of breath she spotted someone standing on a table fiddling with one of the smoke alarms. The girl must've felt Naomi's eyes burning into her because she stopped what she was doing and yelled something to her. It was too loud for Naomi to hear the girl speak so she moved closer. She could now tell the girl had a broken arm. She looked so small and fragile. Her red hair was plastered to her forehead from sweating in the heat of the club and her big brown eyes looked down at Naomi imploringly. So she climbed up to join the girl on the table. The girl looked familiar not just in the she looked like Emily sense but as if Naomi had seen her before which didn't exactly surprise her. In the past month she had frequented the Parrot's Beak quite a bit. As soon as she realized the girl looked familiar, the girl too realized that she had seen Naomi before. If was as if something clicked in the girl's head. She reached up with new determination held up a freshly lit cigarette to the smoke alarm to set it off completing what she had been trying to do before.

As the water came down in the club from the ceiling sprinklers, people started screaming and running and Naomi stood there getting drenched still waiting for the girl. The girl turned back to Naomi and pulled a piece of paper out her pocket. She gave a look between hurting and sadness and handed the paper to Naomi. Then before Naomi could read it she jumped off the table and disappeared in the now panicking crowd. Naomi unfolded the paper and read the message in letraset, "No, you can't call me her name."

This girl had known what Naomi was after. Naomi had tried it on her before. The girl was hurt because not only did Naomi keep trying to call her a different girl's name but also because she couldn't even remember trying it on the girl before. Naomi knew she should feel bad and terrible for using this girl and not even remembering but she couldn't. Instead she felt like she had to move on to a new location, to another girl who might just let her call her Emily.

_I saw your sister in the cornerstone _

_On the phone to the middle man _

_When I saw that she was on her own _

_I thought she might understand _

_She was close, well you couldn't get much closer _

_She said I'm really not supposed to but yes, _

_You can call me anything you want_

So she ran as quickly as she could away from the Parrot's Beak and found herself in an alley. Naomi fell to her knees crying. When there were no more tears left she assessed her situation and realized she was near the Cornerstone. She finished her journey to the Cornerstone and ducked into the bathroom to fix herself up and wash away the traces of mascara that had run down her face. When she was again presentable, she emerged into the hallway and instantly saw a familiar face talking on the phone. Katie Fitch was pacing the hallway, yelling into the phone, and throwing her free arm around in frustration. Naomi didn't see anyone with her and she thought maybe just this once Katie would understand. Katie was the closest anyone could ever get to Emily. Naomi walked over and tapped Katie on the shoulder to get her attention.

Katie turned around, a scowl on her face, ready to yell at whomever had just rudely interrupted her but her face fell when she saw Naomi. "I'll call you back." She said into the phone and clicked the end button. "Some rude wanker stood me up." She said to Naomi as an explanation as to who she was on the phone with. They stood just looking at each other.

They hadn't really become super close since Emily's death but each now had a soft spot in their hearts for the other. Katie despite how she acted and how she showed it thought the world of Emily and for Naomi Emily was her world. They both had lost this huge part of themselves by losing Emily and this gave them a connection to each other and an understanding, which no one else had.

Since Emily's passing, Naomi and Katie had tried their hardest to avoid each other. Naomi reminded Katie too much of Emily because it was rare to see one without the other. When she did, they often talked about the other. And Katie reminded Naomi too much of Emily for obvious reasons. Tonight she decided this was a good thing.

It was as if some of the twin telepathy had spilled over to Naomi because all she had to say was "Please Katie," as tears filled her eyes once again before Katie cut her off by vigorously nodding her head. "I'm really not supposed to but yes you can call me anything you want." Silent tears fell down Naomi's face as she hugged Katie tightly and whispered in her ear, "I've missed you, Emily."


End file.
